Last night, my wife and I went to an actual theater and saw the Monty Python and the Holy Grail re-release. It was a really nice theater, with the really comfortable, reclining seats and there were maybe 20-25 people in the theater and everyone behaved themselves.

You know what? I still saw no reason to go to a theater. I’d have much rather sat at home and watched it there.

I hear this all the time from people who say they love theaters. The last time we went to a theater was 2007, when we stopped on the way home from San Diego Comicon to see the first Transformers film. It was hot, we just wanted to sit down for a couple of hours, so we took in a movie.

That was the last time we bothered.

Then, they put out their once-a-decadish re-release of Holy Grail and we figured why the heck not? A friend wanted to see it, then backed out, so we just went on our own. The closest theater that was showing it was about 40 miles away, but we made the drive on a Sunday afternoon, sat down and saw it.

It’s still a really good movie. I just didn’t think it warranted a theatrical visit.

Why? Well, normally, I’d complain about things like sticky floors, idiots on their cell phones and people kicking the back of my chair. This theater had none of those problems. The aisles are wide enough for you to recline, so nobody kicked me. There weren’t a lot of people in the theater, so cell phones weren’t a problem and I didn’t notice many instances of anyone talking.

So why was I not impressed? Because the benefits of just staying home and watching it on my big screen TV far outweighed any potential benefits from going.

First, the cost. Now I don’t really care that much. The tickets weren’t overly expensive, but the refreshments were highway robbery. Two drinks and a popcorn cost more than the tickets to see the movie did. Yes, I know it’s the only way the theater makes any money and I am sympathetic, but  geez, that was pathetic.

Secondly, the experience. We picked seats in the middle about 2/3 of the way back in the theater. Once there, I realized that, at least from my own subjective experience, I would have gotten a bigger picture just staying home. From the comfort of my chair at home and the distance to the TV, I would have gotten as good, if not a better view of the film. Yes, some of that is my fault and I could have picked seats closer, but all of the ones in the middle of the theater farther up were sold out. I always get the best seats in the house at home, without having to rush for tickets.

Honestly, I don’t think the “audience experience” added anything to it. Maybe that was the movie we were there for. Most people in the theater were Python fans already, although the guy that sat next to us, he was clearly a newbie, who at the end of the movie, he leaned over and whispered to his buddy, “do you think they’ll have a mid-credits scene?” Maybe it was just the movie, so I’m trying not to be too critical of that, but the previews they showed, even though every single one said “picked specifically for this movie…”, they all sucked. They would not appeal to anyone in that theater because they don’t make movies that would appeal to us anymore. We were almost all old farts. With a single exception, one teenager who showed up with his parents, I don’t think there was anyone in the theater under 40. Please don’t promise anything that you can’t deliver on.

I used to love going to the theater. When we first got married, my wife and I lived around the block from a theater and we went at least 2-3 times a week. Now, I don’t see the point. Any movie that comes out, it’s out in a couple of months and I’m not in a rush anymore. I don’t do FOMO. I can wait. The home experience is far superior to the theater experience and maybe it’s that we’re spoiled. I can start and stop the movie any time I want. I can eat whatever I want without the absurd prices. I can watch the movie over and over if I want, and, when we got home, we pulled out our special edition of Holy Grail and watched all of the special features. I enjoyed it all a lot more than having driven 80 miles round trip, spending half of my Sunday out and about and waiting for them to clean the theater and let us in. About the only good thing we did yesterday was buy a new bedroom set, which won’t even get delivered until sometime in January.

I just don’t see the point anymore. Maybe for a special movie now and then, but I went nearly 20 years without bothering and I don’t see any good reason to bother now. I’ve got really good theaters near me with all of the comfortable seating and plenty of room to stretch out, but I’m not going to go because I’ve got everything I need at home. I don’t care about the audience experience. I’m there for the movie anyhow. Anything else is just a distraction and I don’t want distractions.

I probably won’t go again. I just don’t see a reason to bother.