Sometimes, Asylum movies are passable. Sometimes, maybe even so bad that they’re good. And then there are movies like this one, Airplane vs. Volcano, which is just abysmal from end to end.
My oldest daughter told me about this, she had to do a review of it for a college class and she says it’s one of the worst things she’s ever seen. Well, never let it be said that I’m not up for a challenge, so I got it and sat down to watch it.
There is literally nothing positive I can say about this piece of crap. Nothing at all. It really is that bad.
After a new super volcano starts to form near Hawaii, the military scrambles to save lives from the impending disaster, just as a commercial airliner flies straight into the pit of hell.
I’m not kidding, there is nothing at all good about this movie. The acting is bad. The writing is bad. The effects are bad. It isn’t enjoyable on any level. I mean, we don’t expect anything Asylum does to be good, it’s all low-budget schlock, designed to cash in on recent big budget movies and news stories. This one, apparently, was designed to address the volcanic eruptions back in 2010 that grounded airliners throughout Europe. Of course, this came out in 2014, four years after that story. Did anyone even remember it by then?
You don’t expect the writing to be award winning in these things, but honestly, it made no sense whatsoever. You’ve got a commercial jet which is doing almost 600mph and it can’t get out of the area of volcanic activity. What were they doing? Circling? It was just dumb.
Dean Cain plays Rick Pierce, the small plane pilot whose family was killed. He conveniently steps in to fly the plane after the pilot and co-pilot were killed, and even though he has never flown anything bigger than a 9-seat transport, he knows exactly where everything is in the airliner.
The rest of the cast are just cliches that exist to serve the so-called plot. The absolute worst was the Colonel Ryker, played by Mike Jerome Putnam. He spends the first half of the movie saying screw it, his team will absolutely not try to save the airline because risking their lives for civilians is not their job. Um… yes it is. It is exactly what your job is.
Most things in this movie make no sense at all, but they remained absurdly predictable. At one point, they decide that to fix an engine, someone has to be tied to the end of a long rope made out of seat belts so they can go out and literally hit the engine with a hammer. Before this idiot even gets out the door, I predicted that the seat belts would get “accidentally” undone and he’d go flying into the engine. Yup, that’s exactly what happened. In another scene, a military plane pulls up underneath the airliner and they want to start getting the passengers off. As soon as I saw that this obnoxious kid was back there, I knew that just before he got on the rescue plane, it would explode, which is how it went down. You can’t kill kids, but you can keep them in constant danger. Painful predictability.
It isn’t like Sharknado series, which is clearly an over-the-top parody, stuffed full of celebrity cameos that exist only to die in creative ways, this took itself seriously, which seems ridiculous considering just how terrible this thing is on every level.
You’d have to be really bored to slog through this movie. Even if you love bad movies, I can’t think of a single thing here to recommend it. Everything is bad, and not in a good way. Avoid this piece of crap at all costs.